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Author Topic: Preview of what may become a future videogame or book  (Read 5083 times)
The-Forgotten-One
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« on: May 17, 2008, 07:07:26 PM »

Here's a preview of a thing that I like to think about in my imagination.  I don't yet know if it would be better as a book or game...but I'm thinking of some interesting boss fights Grin!   hope you like it!

NOTE: Please don't take the scenes (other then this post and Jason Adventures) as what I'm sticking to, because I realize now that they're just horrible!

A figure looked around a corner of the hall.  It’s clear thought Zeo, a young adult, human-wise with short ragged white hair, white eyes and pointed ears connected to a round face.
   He went around as he signaled to the others to follow him.
   With him were four other humanoids, two humans, Asim and Devona, and two elementals, Segus who controlled wind, and Casey who controlled water.
   “Wait!” Segus called out.  The mixed party waited for a second while Segus sent for a light breeze from across the metallic hall and around the corners.  “Get back!” he whispered.
   They went behind the corner they just came from just as some guards clad in black armor walked by.  Zeo expected the guards to turn and see them, but surprisingly they just went through the wall.
   “Good thing they didn’t see us.”  Zeo observed out loud, while Casey went up to the wall to test it with her sword, Aquies.
   “It’s solid they must have used their powers.” she reported after her test.
   “What a shame.  It would have been interesting to know what they were doing,” Segus mused.  “If only Verges were here...”
   “It’s just as well, because that’s not what we’re here for,” He paused to think “We should go now while the guards are gone, and we have an easier time.”
   “I’m all for that,” Devona commented.  “And while we’re at it, why don’t we destroy a few things as well?”
   “Usually, I’d be one of those who would,” Asim started, “but that would be with a few more then five people, and if we were doing a planned attack.”
   Casey stepped forward,“Okay then, follow me.  I remember the directions that Loki gave us.”
   “What’s the bet that this plan is a trap?” Zeo started, “I don’t really trust him after he worked with Ubel to create my dark clone Naem”.
   Loki was a talent.  A talent who excelled at trickery and illusions.  That was most likely because Loki’s talent involved illusions confounding all the five senses.  Unfortunately for him, through the actions of his life, he didn’t gain the trust and respect of some people.
   “But he has proved himself many times before, and this is a good chance to help get rid of the problem that Ubel is causing,” Segus stated before any unnecessary argument could arise.  “Now, Casey, please lead on already.”
   Casey finally started going, and soon they reached a grey door that sent chills up Zeo’s spine.
   “Can’t open it,” Asim said after he gave a try.  “There are no key holes for me to break into, and I’d rather not risk using the explosives I brought.”
   “Is there a plug, pad, or anything like that?” Zeo asked.
   “No...wait!  Here’s one.”
   Zeo went up to the small green pad, and examined it.  It had a slot too thin for a regular card swipe, and also a faint picture of a hand, as if the picture were meant to indicate a person to press it, but Zeo knew better then to do that.  Instead he sent a blast of light through the slot, which caused the door to open.
   “Guess they thought that nothing could be that thin.” Zeo commented after he saw what happened.
   They walked in.  “Well, well, well,” Zeo whispered so that only he could hear it. “Seems like Loki was actually truthful for once!  Ubel’s dark elementals DO have computers.”
   Ubel’s elementals were a twisted group of elementals who dedicated themselves to learning darker secrets, and serving Ubel, by committing murder, thievery, and so on.  They lived in the dark lands of Zeliga, one of the six countries in the planet Cryptos, but it was known that soon they would want more.  The main reason why it was so surprising that they had computers was because computers were only made by humans.  And the only way to get one, let alone a roomful, is that you’d need to be dealing with humans, and with few exceptions, most humans didn’t take too kindly to elementals and/or talents.
   “According to this,” Asim began while indicating to the logo on all of the computers, “my fellow rulers of the USE, United Sectors of Earth, are working with these elementals.  And if I know the high ruler Cloid as much as I’d like to think, then there’s going to be a betrayal.”  He paused to hack into one of the computer systems, “and also,  shockingly enough, Ubel is going to do the same to Cloid.  Another interesting piece of news is that Ubel is working with Daeva the Talent...again.”
   “Can you hack into what they’re doing?”  Zeo asked impatiently.
   “Not without getting caught in the high security network, and with all the trouble getting in, I’d hate to waste all that hard work.” Asim cooly replied.
   “Well then, since we found out all we could, can we leave now?” Segus asked. “My senses are saying that we’ll get caught if we stay much longer.”
   “I’m ready for that since there’s no more reason to stay.” Zeo remarked. “Ready everyone?”
   “We still need to get that thing for Loki that he wanted.” Casey replied.  “He did his part, we need to do ours.”
   “Fine,” Segus grunted, “what is it again?”
   “It’s the plans for some new invention according to what I heard at the USE.  If or when it’s done, you put it on your feet, turn it on mentally, and you can hover or fly up as high and fast as you want.”  Asim explained.
   “I can see why Loki would want those,” Zeo muttered to himself, “He could cause massive chaos with that thing with his powers if he ever figures out how to use and make it.”
   “I’m sure, but where would those plans be?” Casey asked.
   “Well, not here,” Segus sarcastically replied.  “Maybe the room is an equivalent of an invention room if they have one, and even if they do,” he quickly said before anyone could interrupt, “how would we find it in this place?  It’s not like we can ask for directions, or look for a map.”
   “Well,” Zeo began reluctantly, “I’ve been practicing light vision, so I could find the general direction that way.”
   “Okay,” Asim said, “give it a shot, and we’ll make sure no one enters.”
   Zeo closed his eyes and focused his powers to his eyes.  Then he slowly opened them, preparing for the blinding effect.  When he finally got used to the bright light, he looked around for a while, guiding the light to his will, looking every this way and that.  Finally, he saw a black metal door with what looked to be a very complicated lock, and there were words on the door which said the words “CREATION ROOM!  MUST BE AT LEAST LEVEL 8".  After he saw that, he opened his eyes, only to see at the door entrance a still body.
   “Is he really dead?” he asked.
   “Nah,” Segus said with a mischievous grin. “Just as unconscious as you’d be if the handle of a throwing knife hit you at the back of the head.”
   “Well, at least you aren’t aiming to kill now.” Zeo sighed.
   “Hey, old habits die hard.” he responded.
   “So,” Asim said breaking up the conversation, “did you find it?”
   “Yes, and I know approximately where it is too!” Zeo exclaimed.
   “Well then, let’s go on walking to our graves.” Casey said. “Lead on!”
   After a long stealthy walk, and a few hits to the head of random workers here and there, they finally reached the creations room, which Asim tried entering.
   “It’s locked, and this lock is too complex for my lock picking skills,” he reported to the others.
   “Move out of the way then,” Casey uncharacteristically ordered Asim, who obeyed.  To the amazement of the others, she put Aquies into the key hole, and water poured out of the tip.  Then, she turned it, and the lock with it, and opened the door.
   “The Aquies is more then it appears.” was all she said to her stunned companions.
   In the creation room, there was a maze of amazing stuff, and there was more then one time when they had to remind Segus that they were not there to take anything else, for fear of being caught.  They finally got to the plans, carefully took them, and left the room.
   On their way out, a guard managed to get to the signal and alert the fort about them, making them run for it before they were identified.
   “Well, other then that last bit, we actually didn’t have any trouble at all!” Segus observed. “I’m impressed!”
   “That’s nice, but we better give these plans to Loki.” Asim said. “Maybe if we do this more he wont be so...annoying.”
   “Or he’ll just stay the same,” Zeo commented. “But either way, we actually did something with no loses!  Once we’re back to the base, let’s celebrate a short while!”




Overview:
   Races:
      Humans: People who originated from Earth.  When they finally reached space travel, they soon  found the planet Cryptos.  After that, the humans kept on harassing the elementals and talents with their  technology.  Soon after that cycle, Asim, a USE ruler, went with Devona to Cryptos to help the elementals and Talents.

      Elementals: People who control a specific element, either water, fire, wind, earth, light, or dark.  They originated from Atlantis, but when they realized that they wouldn’t be safe on Earth anymore because of the prejudice that they saw in human history, they worked with the Talents to create the planet Cryptos and transported all of the Elementals and Talents there.

      Talents: People, originally humans, who visited the island of Avalon for personal freedoms and were influenced by the atmosphere of the island by getting unnatural powers.  Later, they had an encounter with an Elemental who knew that the Talents were a kind hearted people, and showed them to the other Elementals.  Many years after, when the Talents and the Elementals decided that it’s not safe anymore, they worked with the Elementals to create the planet Cryptos and transported all of the Elementals and Talents there.

   Characters:
      Ones you met:
      Zeo:
         Race: Elemental; Light   Side: Good   Weapons: Phantom Blades
      Light elemental who, by meeting Asim, found out what was happening with Cryptos and felt honored bound to help.  Later, he got captured by Ubel, and with Ubel’s and Loki’s combined powers, created his dark clone, Naem.
      Asim:
          Race: Human   Side: Good   Weapons: Blaster + random emergency explosives
      Human who used to be a ruler in the USE (United Sectors of Earth), and while the humans were harassing the elementals and talents, he began to have doubts about what they were doing being right.  Soon after he got fed up enough, he decided to convince Devona to go with him to Cryptos to help the elementals and talents.
      Devona:
           Race: Human   Side: Good   Weapons: Blaster Rifle
      Human who was also a USE ruler.  She also had doubts, but kept them at bay thinking that Cloid knew what he was doing.  She only left to Cryptos when Asim finally after a long discussion, convinced her to go with him.
     
      Segus:
           Race: Elemental; air/wind   Side: Good   Weapons: knives, daggers, etc.
      Elemental who, after his parents died, went on his own and became a Loner, always working alone.  But after he “walked” into Zeo while he was looking for supplies, he’s been morally forced to go along with Zeo.
      Casey:
           Race: Elemental; water Side: Good Weapons: Aquies (sword of water)
      Elemental who after her daily trip to the lake, found her village completely destroyed from the corrupted group who originally went against Ubel and the humans called the Ravanoch.  Her own parents killed by their leader’s blade in their house.  She just got there in time for her parents to tell her where Aquies was so that she could go on her own.  After that, she searched for Zeo so that she could get help to find those who killed her parents.
      Ones that were mentioned:
      Verges:
           Race: Elemental: Dark-flame   Side: Good   Weapons: flame/shadow whip
      By being a Dark-flame elemental, he has the powers of both fire and dark.  He is an elemental who got abused as a child through methods best left unexplained, and then decided to run away as a child.  After that, he sought out a master that he could learn from.  Once he found one he left a few years later, and he made his whip for protection.  He had a few encounters with Ubel and Asim; after these meetings, he decided to work for Asim.
      Loki:
           Race: Talent; illusionist   Side: unknown Weapons: metal staff
      A Talent who traveled around, leaving once his unknown business was done.  One of the many things that he did was get to be in part of the creation of Naem, Zeo’s clone, and he is also the one who tells the company in the story the information that they needed.
      Naem:
           Race: Elemental clone; dark   Side: unknown   Weapons: phantom blades; staff
      A clone of Zeo, with Zeo’s form, Ubel’s power, and the illusion of looks from Loki, as well as a copy of Loki’s staff w/ a bit of his power.  Nothing else is known as of right now.
      Ubel:
           Race: Elemental; dark   Side: bad   Weapons: double swords
      He is a great master of darkness and evil, and wants to rule all.
      Cloid:
           Race: Human   Side: bad   Weapons:   All human weapons except explosives
      A very powerful human.  He’s the high ruler of the USE, one of the most richest men in Earth, and those who are richer are under his command.  Other then that, nothing else is known about him.
      Daeva:
           Race: Talent; lightning   Side: bad   Weapons: her hands
      A powerful lightning talent who has a love/hate relationship with Ubel.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
comment as you like
« Last Edit: June 05, 2009, 04:51:18 PM by Zero » Logged


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« Reply #1 on: May 19, 2008, 06:37:40 PM »

Good stuff!  Judging from the fact that it's mostly dialog you might want to make it a game, unless you wrote in what's going on.  Remember though...anything can be made into a game, you just have to design the mechanics right.  These characters' actions seem to scream "game" though. 
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« Reply #2 on: May 19, 2008, 06:57:31 PM »

Good stuff!  Judging from the fact that it's mostly dialog you might want to make it a game, unless you wrote in what's going on.  Remember though...anything can be made into a game, you just have to design the mechanics right.  These characters' actions seem to scream "game" though. 
actually, when I first did it...I was thinking book...it was later when I thought game...but nice observation!
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« Reply #3 on: May 20, 2008, 06:25:55 AM »

If this is the beginning, and you want to keep it to the letter, then go for game.  There are a lot of things that as a new reader I find hard to understand, since I have just been thrust into your world.  Fun playable action would help temper that though.  If it is a book, you might think of easing into action like this to give some context to things and introduce the characters a bit more slowly or leave the action but don't have them discuss so much in-universe information that may confuse and turn off the reader to continuing. 
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« Reply #4 on: May 20, 2008, 06:52:09 AM »

Well done Forgotten One. I'm looking forward to whatever this may become.
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The-Forgotten-One
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« Reply #5 on: May 20, 2008, 11:09:05 AM »

If this is the beginning, and you want to keep it to the letter, then go for game.  There are a lot of things that as a new reader I find hard to understand, since I have just been thrust into your world.  Fun playable action would help temper that though.  If it is a book, you might think of easing into action like this to give some context to things and introduce the characters a bit more slowly or leave the action but don't have them discuss so much in-universe information that may confuse and turn off the reader to continuing. 
good suggestions!  but thankfully, it's WAY in the middle...the beginning is when Asim is still on Earth...
Well done Forgotten One. I'm looking forward to whatever this may become.
thanks!
btw, if you want to create a character, just PM me...
« Last Edit: May 20, 2008, 11:31:00 AM by The-Forgotten-One » Logged


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« Reply #6 on: May 21, 2008, 02:37:04 AM »

CHARACTER UPDATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

   Raiden:
      Gender:      Male
      Race:      Elemental; Fire and Water (specialty is ice)
      Side:      Himself
      Weapon:   Ravanoch (form of a long straight blade with a curve at the end)
      Role:      Leader of the Ravanoch.  Was the one that killed Casey’s family.
If this is a game, then I imagine him to kind of be like Rundas (I believe) that ice bounty hunter...but with a little flare to spice things up...
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« Reply #7 on: May 21, 2008, 05:26:51 AM »

Since you've given us a taste of the middle of the story and some character information...can you give us a summary?  I'm really starting to get curious now  Smiley
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« Reply #8 on: May 21, 2008, 07:41:01 AM »

Raiden, like the character from Metal Gear Solid 2?
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« Reply #9 on: May 21, 2008, 12:05:16 PM »

Since you've given us a taste of the middle of the story and some character information...can you give us a summary?  I'm really starting to get curious now  Smiley
what do you mean by summery?  what do you want?
Raiden, like the character from Metal Gear Solid 2?
actually, I came up with the name before I heard about him in that game...but nice observation!
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« Reply #10 on: May 21, 2008, 06:45:41 PM »

(Tomorrows) CHARACTER UPDATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
   Visk:
      Gender:   Male
      Race:      Human
      Side:      Cloid’s
      Weapon:   before implants: the big gun. after implants: himself
      Role:      Leader of the Mechs.  Used to be human and a friend of Asim, but after he killed Ozen and almost captured Asim (who almost killed him), he hates Asim and his cause, but because he was on the brink of death, he got surgical implants that increased his senses, strength, agility, etc.  But later, as they learned more about Talents, they upgraded Visk so that he got some of the Talent’s powers.

I had the idea of the upgrade before I got the character idea...boss fight would be with Ozen, Asim, and/or Devona in a ship place (forget the name right now), and you find him and guards and hit him.
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« Reply #11 on: May 22, 2008, 09:51:57 AM »

Forgotten One you should copywright this material
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« Reply #12 on: May 22, 2008, 10:20:36 AM »

by summary I mean just an overall summary of what the story is all about
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Many a fighter has been defeated wasting his time talking about his “skill.”  A true warrior lets his skills speak for themselves.
The-Forgotten-One
X's Little Sister
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« Reply #13 on: May 22, 2008, 11:38:18 AM »

Forgotten One you should copywright this material
and how do I do that exactly?
by summary I mean just an overall summary of what the story is all about
wouldn't that be what the overview is?
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« Reply #14 on: May 23, 2008, 02:47:27 AM »

GROUP UPDATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
   The Mechs:
         Members:      The six "elemental" mechs, and the leader "talent" mech (Visk)
         How to join:   You have to be a human loyal to Cloid.  Then you have to be mortally wonded and have a surgery that saves your life, as well as gives you powers.  Example: Visk, got shot, got surgery, turned into the Leader Talent mech...
         Why they're called mechs:   because they are humans who have robotic surgical implants which gives them powers


hope this makes sense...if you have any questions...post them here, or PM me...
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