Karoku (2100)©
Yaoku Arimasen
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"Who is there to pray to?..."
"There are only demons and fiends here."
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« on: January 30, 2008, 05:20:43 PM » |
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Hey guys. I know this is awkward (I didn't want to waste space on a site for a poetry topic), but I did this poem for Eng. III and got a 95. How would you rate this? I barely do poetry so I just want your opinions. I want encouragement.
“And I thought you were”
What shrill noise to come from the hallways tore down,
In a mahogany pomegranate breeze to blow alongside.
Tis’ I see someone, someone familiar, and what a delight.
Gorgeous as a Diamond Chandelier coated in feathers as soft as the Heavens,
But is it reality as such a sight to behold?
Crystal clear-white and radiant face and body to catch my infinite eyes with great ambition?
Maybe how I see her shine and turn the corridors into work of arts,
Real to the touch.
As you watch a waving angel upon carrying an amber-colored bouquet of flowers it bestows,
Oh what a sight to behold.
But why does it pain my ears so?
Why does the crimson crawl out through the door-less corridors of sound,
Coming from such an extravagant goddess to praise for existence.
I step back away from the momentum built up of hearts chained together and,
I thought you were Virgo.
But beauty doesn’t talk for one,
Even for an angel as yourself.
Though I wish you and I were forever.
Now the azure-night sky has punished me,
And tossed me around the charcoal sanctuary.
Dust and bones, and many names and years.
Fog thick as the atmosphere on a meteor shower,
And I see candles camouflaged upon the crypt where I sleep ‘till.
But I see not Death, only a friend.
He appears dead-still, pale as the skin of a snake and I only step forward.
‘Tis I hear hissing is amiss from his,
The candle-light casts a silhouette a different shape with a vanilla-esque.
What shadow is celestial but the monochrome?
Is a mass of flesh this surreal, real?
What is friend when I see it?
Silver compass points to my faults I cannot read, yet rough as croutons.
Oregano leaves many marks and my “friend” thinks so too and,
I thought you were Amicus.
But motion doesn’t talk for one,
Even for acquaintances as yourself.
Though I wish you showed more leisure, I bore.
By: Juan
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WAALUIGI
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« Reply #1 on: January 31, 2008, 09:27:45 AM » |
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wow, that is amazing, you are quite the poet juan!
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Karoku (2100)©
Yaoku Arimasen
Unsummoner
Hero Member
Gender:
Posts: 4177
"Who is there to pray to?..."
"There are only demons and fiends here."
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« Reply #2 on: January 31, 2008, 09:36:06 AM » |
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wow, that is amazing, you are quite the poet juan!
Thanks Kibotos. I didn't want to start a topic on poetry because it would be a waist of space, but ahh well. Whoever did it, did it anyways (not me). |
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Darkmatter
I GIVE PPL BONERS
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:3
New York
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« Reply #3 on: January 31, 2008, 12:11:36 PM » |
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I liked it...so Beautiful  |
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rockinon
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« Reply #4 on: January 31, 2008, 12:44:32 PM » |
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Silver compass points to my faults I cannot read, yet rough as croutons.
By: Juan
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Karoku (2100)©
Yaoku Arimasen
Unsummoner
Hero Member
Gender:
Posts: 4177
"Who is there to pray to?..."
"There are only demons and fiends here."
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« Reply #5 on: January 31, 2008, 01:13:03 PM » |
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I liked it...so Beautiful Thank you very much. Like I said in my thesis, I don't write poems much (once a semester). |
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Kippo
Lagmaster
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Peachy.
Popstar
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« Reply #6 on: January 31, 2008, 02:43:06 PM » |
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um good poem...
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 [/url] |
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Karoku (2100)©
Yaoku Arimasen
Unsummoner
Hero Member
Gender:
Posts: 4177
"Who is there to pray to?..."
"There are only demons and fiends here."
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« Reply #7 on: February 03, 2008, 06:03:53 PM » |
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"Luna Apocalyptic"
The night skies,
The dark cries,
At sunday tonight,
What a sight,
And the cherries will blossom and bite
Why?
Tommorrow's beginning will send us ado.
To slave in the inside.
To work in the blue,
It's sad but true.
It's breakfast, I'm eating.
The air, that's what's feeding.
I cry for a morsel tonight.
What a fight,
And the children run faster and site
Why?
Tommorrow's beginning will send us ado.
To slave in the inside.
To work in the blue,
It's sad but true
It's evening; the sun.
The pyro has begun.
I weep for a layer tonight.
What a right,
And the humans tire quickly and die
Why?
Tommorrow's beginning will send us ado.
To slave in the inside.
To work in the blue,
It's sad but true.
Its dusk, the dark,
And umbris, it's shark.
What dangers will dwell here tonight.
What a bite,
And the terra will suffer, it might.
Why?
I can take it no longer, I cry.
Any questions? I'll gladly explain (this sentence is not part of the poem, lol).
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DeutschesBlackie!
Grounded for Life
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Please watch OWN. At least the Master Class reruns
USA
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« Reply #8 on: February 13, 2008, 06:59:39 PM » |
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Beautiful. "Luna Apocalyptic" is Latin for what exactly? It's really good though. It makes anything I write seem like Crap
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Karoku (2100)©
Yaoku Arimasen
Unsummoner
Hero Member
Gender:
Posts: 4177
"Who is there to pray to?..."
"There are only demons and fiends here."
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« Reply #9 on: February 13, 2008, 07:02:11 PM » |
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Beautiful. "Luna Apocalyptic" is Latin for what exactly? It's really good though. It makes anything I write seem like Crap
Thank you. Much appreciated! |
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Mega (Tre)
Zombie Rehabilitated Geriatric Crossing Guard
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Posts: 2606
Meh. It fits me.
http://img248.imageshack.us/img248/3028/megaavatar2.jpg
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« Reply #10 on: February 13, 2008, 07:06:01 PM » |
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why are you in English III if you are from the future?
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Any Jewish joke is meant as a joke. I am not an anti-semitist. But I don't like Glenn Beck.
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Karoku (2100)©
Yaoku Arimasen
Unsummoner
Hero Member
Gender:
Posts: 4177
"Who is there to pray to?..."
"There are only demons and fiends here."
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« Reply #11 on: February 13, 2008, 07:11:47 PM » |
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why are you in English III if you are from the future?
Because my time-machine broke down and I'm here taking modern Eng. III. I may be 16 in the future. What difference does that make? Nothing! Still 16 and still taking Eng. III |
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DeutschesBlackie!
Grounded for Life
Hero Member
Gender:
Posts: 3512
Please watch OWN. At least the Master Class reruns
USA
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« Reply #12 on: February 13, 2008, 07:26:56 PM » |
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I guess they still haven't mastered the english language in the year 2100
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Karoku (2100)©
Yaoku Arimasen
Unsummoner
Hero Member
Gender:
Posts: 4177
"Who is there to pray to?..."
"There are only demons and fiends here."
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« Reply #13 on: February 14, 2008, 04:26:33 AM » |
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I guess they still haven't mastered the english language in the year 2100
Lol! True! |
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dcmjlive
Philllipenis Cheerleader
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That feel good? Yeah, yeah, YEAAAHHH!!!!
Philippines
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« Reply #14 on: February 14, 2008, 04:45:37 AM » |
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Lol! True!
Hmm...I bet you're a fan of Phil of the Future. All this 21st century thing screams it. |
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 History was never this good |
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